you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
