This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
