I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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