I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
