The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
