so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
