I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
