i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
