addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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