She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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