I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
