Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize