Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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