i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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