I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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