dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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