He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
