The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
