so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
