just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
