I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
