$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
