oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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