Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
