how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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