this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
