well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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