ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
