could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
