I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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