I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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