the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
