You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
