If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
