i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
