I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
