Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
