Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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