New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
