That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
