He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
