i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
