these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
