And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
