i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
