I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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