There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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