just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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