oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
did i just pee glitter
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