bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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