sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
