forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
