It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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