Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
