Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i believe in u and ur pee
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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