Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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