how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
