i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
