dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
