hotel room ftw
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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