He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Welp...herpes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize