I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
