No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you win again, gameday.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
