you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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