I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
