Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
