im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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