I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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