mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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