But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize