"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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