she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
