Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just gift wrapped bread.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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