Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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