You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize