I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i out mim tonsoeep
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
