I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
