I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
