let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
