Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
