shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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