It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize