I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
