Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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