the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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