i barfeds in our rink
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's official drugs can't kill me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i now understand why vodka
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
