were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
