she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
