He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize